Old Ass Sex Manuals! Bells! Swing Classes! More News!

200 hundred and thirty year old sex manual goes on sale in the UK. It comes with a free pack of 200 year old condoms and a copy of Debbie Does Stratford upon Avon.

Israel's National Library has released Afghan manuscripts found in a cave in Afghanistan that reveal the presence of a Jewish community in that area around the 11th century.  The Afghan documents will be on display later this year on the back of a couch.

The Library of Congress has a lot of tweets.  170 Billion, to be inexact.  They don't know what to do with them.  They will not let researchers see them.  End of story.

The Madison Public Library has announced they are taking over the Wisconsin Book Festival.  Boom.  Deal with it.

A man donated a bell to the Rostraver Public Library.  It has historical significance to a cannon factory in the area and is in honor of his mother.  The library had asked for the video game Assassin's Creed 3 but pretended to like the bell bunches after being prodded by its mother.  The library's mother said later that it will appreciate the gift when it was older.

Swing classes are now available at the Clinton-Macomb Library for ages 18 to 29.  Sorry, 30 year olds, you don't get to look like jackasses.

The Eugene Public Library is recording patrons to use as the voice of its automatic check-in service.  Except for that one kid who kept saying, "Welcome to the Eugene Public Fart. Place farts here one at a time. Fart you."  Little jerk.

The North Carolina State University's James B. Hunt Library has a robot that retrieves books for you.  The robot declined to comment on the amount of stress in its job.

You Might Be A Librarian If... #librarianstress

Yesterday I participated in the twitter hashtag #librarianstress, a hashtag that started ironically as a backlash from a CNBC article that named “librarian” as one of the least stressful jobs on the planet. I participated in the mocking of both this article and the people who took it as a serious threat of our (librarians) position because I am the kid in the back of the class that enjoys making his friends laugh at uncomfortable subjects. Others, they had their own agendas. I cannot speak for them.

Here are the facts as I see them:

1) The “article” (more of a slideshow presentation) was attributed to Tony Lee, publisher of CareerCast.com. While Mr. Lee may have some influence as a public relations person, I see no peer reviewed or academic evidence he supports in his “findings,” nor as I went down the rest of the list did I see “random guy from second rate career website” listed as a “least stressful job of 2013.” I assure you, I did as much research in that search as Mr. Lee seemed to do and used the same criteria as he did, including “low pressure and warm fuzzies.” I can only conclude that Mr. Lee is under some degree of stress and getting no fuzzies.

2) The primary reaction in the library twitter community (including and chronicled in the excellent article from Rita Meade in her Screwy Decimal blog) was near immediate. Outrage that “librarian” was once again being stereotyped and marginalized in the vein of the spinster look or the sexy seductress in glasses was the immediate reaction. With good reason. The opportunity to have such a blatant “look at the cute little librarian” is not one that any advocate of libraries should pass up. Where the light is shining, stand and speak.

3) The secondary reaction came in the form of jokes. The hashtag #librarianstress was created (credit: homance ladies) to give an exaggerated view of the “stresses” librarians live through on a day to day basis. Another platform, another voice. Not wrong, not right, just another reaction that proved popular. So popular, in fact, that it soon became a national trend on twitter as the persons from the outraged group began using it. The fun of a satirical hashtag being used for real purposes is not lost here, nor was it there. It was at that point that I began pretending to be fictional librarians because, well, the next logical step was to use things others had just made the hell up.

4) Finally, nothing changed. As of midnight the night the slideshow was published, no retraction has been printed, no apology has been made, and we begin the weekend with a few belly laughs, some hurt feelings, and little else. Maybe some beer or wine. Whiskey to comfort sore throats, let’s not be picky. It is cold outside.

All this because of some guy from some website.

Here is what I believe:

Public librarians are under stress, now more than ever. Underfunded, understaffed and outmatched by technology as it increases daily, the public library is, in the definition of stress, under a “constraining force or influence.” People want more than ever before, and public libraries are able to give less. Instruction on technology, ebooks, books, magazines, whatever, these all cost money and there is no money to give and only a few properly trained individuals to pick the best ones when money is available. That is stress and it comes from both sides. See, the public library is the public. When the people are stressed, when the library is stressed, the mirror is there. The reflection of a library on the people it serves and visa versa can be painful and at times unbearable. From someone who has served for nearly a decade, this can wear someone down very quickly. Throw in a disaster or two, personal or otherwise, and the stress builds. Do not discount that.

Okay, here’s the part where you might want to put the kids to bed, because I am gonna use some strong language.  Some statements made on twitter today got me pretty mad. You have been warned.

“My [whoever] is a doctor/surgeon/nurse and if he messes up someone dies. That’s stress. Librarians don’t have stress.”

Fuck you. Yeah, I know nobody has ever died by a direct result of my actions or in-actions (that I know of, I am still relatively young) as a librarian. I applaud and in no way discount the acts of anyone in the medical or other field that puts their lives and other's lives in their hands.

But I know what I have done. I am not a teacher, but I have taught more impromptu English, history, computer and science classes than I can count. I am not a lawyer, but I have given out reams of legal forms and information. I am not an accountant, but I have gone through every tax document that is on record. I am not a police officer, but I have aided in the arrest of some deviant individuals. I am not a social worker, but I have sat with battered women and children. I am not a doctor, but I have waited for ambulances. I am not in anyway qualified to provide psychiatric counseling, but I have listened to hundreds, maybe thousands of stories of hell, from refugees of disaster areas to elderly patrons just wanting to talk. I am a librarian, I am accountable, and I have been under stress in my job more than once.

I am a librarian, and I am one of the least in the profession. Other librarians have done so, so, so much more than I ever have or will and have done it with more grace and dignity and given their patrons the same. And they bear all that stress gladly. To them, I say thank you for your service and hope you are too busy enjoying your career to read this.

Library Recieves Power Company Tweets, Why You Should Vote

"Jersey Central Power & Light customers have been sending messages on Twitter to @JCPL seeking information. Only problem is the account isn't for JCP&L.
The Twitter accounts for Jefferson County Public Library in Colorado and JCP&L are one character off from each other. The library is at @JCPL while JCP&L is at @JCP_L."

How do you handle this?  Here's how we did it:

At one point in our lovely little college town of Bannville, there rose a bar.  Seeking to interest the students and get their waitresses into school girl uniforms, they named the bar The Library.  Yep.  That happened.

We found out about it when the owner came in and cleaned out our book sale one day, taking all the old paperbacks and National Geographic's to pepper on the walls and the bar to lend to the atmosphere.  Then the calls started to come in.

Every night for the first two weeks we got calls asking what band was playing or what the drink specials were.  After the hype of the new place had calmed, the calls slowed to the weekend.  One Friday night just before closing, an intoxicated young man called six times insisting to speak to "Mandy" or he was going to come down and kick our asses.  We invited him to do just that.

Eventually, the bar closed and the calls slowed and stopped all together.  So what did we do, you ask?  Nothing but be the normal accommodating library staff that we always were.  That is all you can do, be nice and give the problem time to heal itself.  

You see, emergencies and bars come and go.  The public library will always be there to help.  

Unless the bastards in power take away all our funding before we can vote them out of office.  Then, we may be screwed.  Do not forget to vote on Tuesday.

Mistaken Twitter identity: Colorado library getting JCP&L's Hurricane Sandy tweets - The Star-Ledger - NJ.com:

The Star-Ledger - NJ.com

Mistaken Twitter identity: Colorado library getting JCP&L's Hurricane Sandy tweets The Star-Ledger - NJ.com "It didn't take long at all for us to figure it out because we had a similar thing happen last fall when New Jersey was hit with that major snow storm," said Bethany Frisbie, promotions & marketing manager at the Jefferson County Public Library. "That ... and more »

Top Whatever of 2011

The year is done, a day is past, so it is time for a little reflection.  What really blew my socks off this year?  What did I come into contact with this year that impressed me a whole bunch?  Now, I agree a bunch of awesome stuff came out this year, I just didn't see it all.  I got shit to do, ya know?  So these lists are all the stuff I experienced.  And I will admit right off, this is my personal experience and not everything in this article may have come out this year, this is just what I enjoyed.  Disagree? Let me know in the comments or go out and write your own.  We all love lists.  Lists after the jump.

Top Stuff I Read

Ghost Story by Jim Butcher
I love Jim Butcher and the newest Dresden Files book will always be on my best of stuff I read list.  Deal with it and fair warning for next year.
Nerdist Way by Chris Hardwick
Any listener to the Nerdist Podcast has at least thumbed through this book.  I found it informative and an enjoyable read that taps into what makes my mind tick and motivated me to change some things in my life.
Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan
In my view, I enjoyed the Percy Jackson books more than Harry Potter.  Not to say they were better, just that they were more fun, slice and dice adventures that I could relate to in my little brain.  Again, I love the Potter but for my money these books are great.

Top Movies I Watched

[Note: I didn't go to the movies much this year, but these are the ones I really liked enough to remember.]

Tucker and Dale Vs Evil
I really get a kick out of a good horror film and when Netflix suggested this little beauty on disc I just had to try it.  And IT ROCKED.  The release for it was tiny and the promotion was next to nothing, but this movie is one of the more inventive comedy/horror films you will ever see.  At worst you could call it an American "Shaun of the Dead" sans zombies.
Captain America
Best popcorn flick I saw with decent effects that made me really want to see The Avengers.  Chris Evans really surprised me as the square-jawed, apple-pie eating Cap.
The Muppets
Did for the Muppets what Rocky Balboa did for the Rocky franchise.  Songs so good I bought the soundtrack (except for one, cough, Cooper rap, cough) and a basic fun that brought me back to my childhood.  Modern kids won't get it and I could care less.  It almost isn't for them.

Top Shows I Found

Community

I was late to the party on this comedy and have been kicking myself all the way through the box sets.  Well written, funny and engaging, I absolutely love this series.
Leverage
Another late to the party show for me, Leverage is two parts A-Team, one part Oceans 11, shaken and stirred in a way that just drips cool and fun.  The plots can get a little predictable, especially if you watch all 4 seasons in a row like I did, but the characters and acting more than make up for it.
Once Upon a Time
When your girlfriend suggests the two of you watch a show about fairy tales, you smile and nod and inwardly groan.  Then Snow White pulls a damn broadsword on the Evil Queen and you hope this series lasts forever!  Cleverly told and plotted, I hold this up to one of the happiest surprises I have had since I smirked at Buffy all those years ago.

Top Digital Time Suckers

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
What can I say that has not already been said about this game?  This is one of the most engaging titles out there and I just... Go play it.
Batman: Arkham City
You are Batman.  Gotham is a prison.  Shit's going down.  You stop it.  As the goddamn Batman.  You had me at Batman.
Portal 2
This is why I don't review video games.  I pick the most awesome ones I can find and tell you they are awesome.  Play Portal 2.  You will thank me.

Top Long Form Aural Ear Candy

Thrilling Adventure Hour
This podcast fills me with joy.  After years of listening to interviews, comedians, and others talk about random shit that made me laugh, here is fiction.  Serialized radio plays that are both funny and highly addictive.
Nerdist
The interviews are both funny and deep and the guys dicking around make me wanna call my friends.  Cannot say more without going back and re-listening, but then I would never finish writing this.  Enjoy your burrito.
LiberryCast
Ever been the librarian at the party that just trumps everyone else's work horror stories with one tale of library craziness that happened just last week?  That's the LiberryCast.

Top Short Form Aural Ear Candy

To be honest, I'm not much of a music nerd.  It just does not fall in my wheelhouse.  So I looked back on the digital stuff I bought over the last year and my most listened to tracks.  Here you go, in no particular order:
Sara Watkins
They Might Be Giants
She & Him
Social Distortion
Me First and the Gimmee Gimmees
Flogging Molly
Colin Haye
Rancid
Weezer
Cheap Trick

Top Serialized Paper Picture Books

[Note: Comics are another area where I am lacking.  Nothing has really grabbed me this year but the following and while I have a decent supplier for my crack, he can't always get the quality stuff.  Plus, I have been lapsing and not reading as much as I used to.  Kinda sad, I do love them so.]

Justice League
The reboot of the DCU excited me.  I picked up several titles such as Action Comics, Detective Comics Batman, and a few others, but this one is the only one that really grabbed me.  I still read the others, but I guess I just like a team book.  The art is not that bad either.
Ultimate Spider-man Reboot
Another reboot that I really was dreading (Make Mine Marvel), but I really fell for this book.  Ultimate Spidey is what got me back into comics years ago and killing Peter Parker sickened me a little.  But Miles Morales is a good choice for the next angsty, teenage spider-kid.  At least he's not a clone.

Top 140 Characters or Less

[Note: This isn't even scratching the surface of all the Twitter folks I love, especially the Awesome Librarians.  I made a list of those.  If you aren't on that list, let me know.  These are just three that I happen to adore.]

Steven Weber @TheStevenWeber 
Who has two thumbs, starred on Wings and sends out the craziest tweets imaginable? This guy.
Joe Hill @joe_hill
One of my favorite authors and a damn informative dude.
T J Miller @nottjmiller
Comedian and actor, Miller is one of the oddest cats with a handle.

So that's what I got for 2011.  Not all, but most.  I didn't include blogs because most of them are either included here, linked to from their twitters, or just too numerous to name.  Thank you everyone who read my drivel over the last year, both on the blog and on twitter.  You have no idea how much this writing helps me.  I plan to post more often, continue the Banned Library fiction, maybe make some videos, and continue not going slowly insane with public service.

I also want to thank the site That Guy With the Glasses for providing hours of entertainment, some of which lifted my spirits when I really needed it.  They might not ever read this but every contributor to that site has made this year a happy one.

Finally, I want to thank one special person who I should thank more often for the love and support she gives me.  Love ya, darlin, and I promise not to lay on the couch like a bitch.  (She'll get that.)

Let me know in the comments if I missed something or if you have any thoughts on any of the above.  If you have any story ideas or just want to contact me, tweet to @bannedlibrary or email evan@bannedlibrary.com.  Thanks again.

You Can Talk to Authors Through Kindle! And Twitter

Amazon's Kindle e-reader had taken the next step in e-book e-volution: Twitter.  Short and skinny is that Amazon made a bunch of authors promise to answer fans when fans asked questions through the new Twitter-enabled Kindle.  Now as you read you can stop what you are doing and ask the author anything you want. I'm downloading my copy of The Holy Bible right now. tecca


Here are some practice questions for your favorite author:
How did you came up with this scene?
How did you write so good?
Why did this character do that?
What you talking about, Connie Willis?
What if God was one of us?
Is it inappropriate to think of child stars as sexual beings?
If a train leaves Las Vegas at 6pm, is there anyone on it not crying?
Can you sell a person into slavery if you are not related to them?
Are you there Judy Blume? It's me, the Spanish Inquisition.

Archivist Has Not Learned of TV Show Hoarders; Tries to Collect Every Book

In a move that would make the Library of Congress blush, archivist Brewster Kahle is attempting to collect a copy of every book in print.  Kahle, founder of the Internet Archive, has collected about 500,000 books so far.
Dude, think about this.  Alexandria burned.  The Library of Congress went crazy and decided to collect Twitter, of all things.  Sean Connery and Chrisian Slater had to fight evil monks.  Hoarding books like this cannot end well, trust me.  All you are going to end up with is a warehouse full of crates of books that we will have to play campfire with when the robots take over after the greenhouse effect turns half of us into zombies. 

Heyyyyy... maybe you are on to something, Kahle ole pal...

[courier-journal] has some cool pics of this project, too.

Library's Twitter Hacked: Resist

The Hennepin County Library's Twitter account was hacked recently, causing problems for the staff.  The account, which has around 4,300 followers, regained control yesterday morning after a daring raid.  The staff is grateful no permanent damage has been done to both the library's reputation and to the account as a whole.

Local Ned Ryerson had this to say, "Well I was taking my morning looky loo at the old library twitter and I saw some disturbing things, disturbing things on there.  Some choose to forget the tweets, but I sure as heck fire will remember.  It's like I told my friend Phil, once your soul has been scarred like that, there's just no going back, am I right?  Or am I right?  I'm right.  Then I heard the library was organizing a resistance and I was, like, count me in, friend.  And we did it."

No record has been made about the "library resistance," simply that the staff was alerted and control was lost.  Then, on July 6, hope arose from inside the library when the tweet came out, "we don't have control back yet. I still have access through my phone."  A lone individual was still inside the twitter, making a difference through the pain and irrelevant tweets.  Finally, on the morning of July 7, a cry sounded out "FANTASTIC news!! We're back @hclib, please re-follow. Story to follow. Thank you again for the support and assistance."  The hope of a county resumed. 

[KSTP News]

Twitter: Celebrity Endorsed #BPLRAMPAGE #WINNING

You said it, not me.

What do the Library of Congress, New York Public Library, Boston Public Library, Harvard Library, and Charlie Sheen all have in common?  Not their amount of Twitter followers, I can tell you that.  In one day, Sheen managed to get to 1.2 million followers, something these library systems have not even a passing shot at (LoC and NYPL are the closest with around 100,000 followers each).

What hurts more?  Sheen is also a verified user, meaning that the social network took the time to claim this is the one and only ranting maniac.  They have not bothered to do that with the Library of Freaking Congress, an organization who is archiving the entire Twitter catalog.

So, does this speak toward our society or simply to the cult of personality?  I have a proposition, the next time the Red Sox win the sporting competition by making more touchdowns (whatever), BPL needs to go freaking ballistic.  Just stark raving nuts.  Give away beer at the Circ desk, keep hookers at the reference desk, have a congressman speak to minors, all of it, just go freaking nuts.  I would read that Twitter feed, and I bet America would too. #BPLRAMPAGE #WINNING

Update: @librarycongress is now verified by twitter, sorry @nypl @BPLBoston and @Harvard_Library, you all might still be spambots

Networking the Library

Libraries have been facing the idea of social networking for a while.  Facebook, Twitter, etc, have given fantastic methods of reaching out to our users, but I argue that they are hindering society and by extention, libraries.  Here we go:

The other night I sat down to watch an American classic:  Hot Tub Time Machine.  Whatever the overall opinion history will give to this masterpiece of cinema, one scene stood out that rang true to the state of our nation, if not the future of the world.  One of our heroes, a modern teenager thrust into the stone age that was the 1980s, meets a girl in a bar.  He asks her for her text number, if she's online.  She looks at him like he is the broken man-child that he is and tells him that she does not know what he is talking about.  He asks how he is supposed to get in touch with her.  She says, "You come find me..."

I think she's in there somewhere....

Now I like this movie, but it is stupid cannon fodder of a comedy with the exception of this scene.  As I sit, blogging, I think back on all the times I had to track a girl down, wait to see if she would show at a lame party, or hope she would walk by where I worked this Thursday cause she did last Thursday.  I will freely admit I was the kid that held out on getting a cell phone until he was 24 because I did not want to be that easy to get in touch with.  But that limited my options as well as boosted my creativity.  I was forced to track people across town or go to that random bar not because Suzy Wannamaker texted me to be there, but because I thought she said that she liked the place.  It was all about the hunt and the adventure.

How am I gonna tie this to libraries?  Hit the jump to find out.

Libraries are no longer facing the same issues I faced with Miss Wannamaker.  We do not have to go out into the community to hang fliers, march in their parades or hawk our new database/book finder/OPAC/monkey training Iphone app.  The cash spent on newspaper ads for the spring book sale and harvest festival is saved as we go on our website, type a few keys and BOOM!  Those that visit will see it bright and clear, possibly with a 10 year old dancing book gif.

Libraries should be dominating the social network machines.  As a profession we are geared to produce the fuel that runs these bloated monstrosities:  content.  Events, pictures, book recommendations, cute videos of librarian drill teams, we got it all folks.  Here are some ways you can spice up your libraries various social network pages:

Facebook
I could spend an entire post teaching all the stuff you could add to a Facebook profile.  Despite my hate for some peoples utter dependence on this service, it does offer so many diverse types of input that exploration is infinite.  Here's a few I have found:  posting links to various catalog searches or items; pictures of featured events and items; book reviews; discussion boards for books so you do not have to run a book club; cute poems about your cat;  just post a lot of stuff at least once a day, no more than 5 times a day.  I do not know why, but the Facebook crowd is fickle and will drop you if you post too little or too much.

Plus, the Library's mom could be on Facebook.

Twitter
The best thing you can do for Twitter is link it to your Facebook.  Like Facebook, posting too much or too little will lose you followers as your content clogs up their inbox feed thingie so they can not hear about there Aunt Edna's newest taco that looks like Jesus or that Ashton Kutner fella.  Some things to add to Twitter are:  comments on a book you read; links to your catalog; event postings; pics of monkey doin it; again, whatever.

He's winking because he Facebooked your mom.

Myspace
Let's be honest, Myspace is for teenagers, pervs, and bands singing about teenage pervs.  There may also be some out of touch businesses.  Just say no.

This guy's Myspace name is LadyGagaLuver69

Friendster
If you use Friendster, I pity you.  You have forgotten the name of your father.  Seriously, just tell your library staff that your computers are run by mice on treadmills while on fire chased by rabid wolverines.

I don't have a picture of the mice-treadmill-wolverine thing, so here's a puppy.

Other Social Services
Things like texting, IM, and random book reading social sites.  These may cost you some money and social status, but have fun with it and see what you can find.  The Internet's a big place so spread your metaphorical library wings, toss yourself off a metaphorical Internet cliff, and plunge into the metaphorical social ocean to eat the fish of patron satisfaction.  Or something.  Just have fun with it and remember:  for the first six months, nobody will follow you anyway.

Oh, and what was the modern kid's reaction to the beautiful 80s chick telling him he has to find her?  "That sounds exhausting."  Indeed, modern kid.  But it is worth it.