Over the Fence

I cannot be sure how many of you have ever attempted to climb over a cattle fence with your hands handcuffed behind you. I imagine it is not a few. Here’s a few basic tips to guide you along your way:

1. Check to be sure a gate is nearby. If so, try to go through that. If you can’t go through it, climb over it rather than the fence itself.
2. Check for a gap, either under or through the fence to climb through.
3. Check for electricity. Not with your pee.

If all of the options above check out and your only option is to go over, here’s what you DO NOT DO:

• Attempt to jump over like a drunken grasshopper.
• Attempt to roll over, because razor wire hurts, kids.
• Lick it
• Worry about your clothes. You are handcuffed and climbing a cattle fence. You have bigger things to worry about.

Crushes It

“When I was 15, I had a crush on this guy who was really good at magic, and so I learned to juggle, thinking it would impress him. I spent hours and hours practicing, planning to show him. And then I never even saw him again. But at least I learned how to juggle.” - Danica McKellar

Everyone has high school crushes, no matter what age you are. I once had the honor of hearing Kurt Vonnegut speak and during the two hour lecture on fiction and writing he gave a wistful account of the tattooed, pierced young lady that worked at this local post office. The crush was ignored by his wife who, to paraphrase, knew the old man had no chance in hell with the younger female. Such is life and is the crush.

The crush can become significant when you find much later that the object of your unexpressed affection whom you had long since filed away in the back of your mind had also noticed you as well. What kept you apart? Shyness? Ineptitude? Circumstance comparable to a Shakespearian comedy? Who knows and, honestly, who cares?

See, in a way the crush is supposed to be just that. A crush. The thing that spurs you on, gives you a little hope, maybe causes a little greatness in your day. And when you realize that it's not to be... Crush. Because if it were more, then it would be more. If it were love, well, they already have a word for that, don’t they?

Twins Cometh

"So Dave wants to have the ceremony on Friday here? In the library?" Betty said.

"Yeah," I said, "Said it was Clara's idea. The place they got together and all that."

"That's romantic. I never knew Dave had it in him. I guess you never can tell."

"Yeah, books and covers and all that. We're required to be there, too. Mom's calling it a 'staff development day' and closing us down."

"Why? I mean I would come anyway, but it seems odd..."

"Gets us around everyone in the community wanting to get married here on the cheap. Dave's supposed to be giving us a talk on internet safety as an IT expert."

Betty shook her head, "Your mama thinks of everything."

I smiled and looked out the windows, “Oh, no.”

Betty craned her head up to see what I was looking at. She slumped back down.

“This day was going so well,” she said.