Barely Standing

I have mentioned before that I have never been arrested and charged with a crime. That was true then as much as it is now. I respect law enforcement and its place in society as much as I believe Captain Stein respects the library and its place. That being said, I have not always been as honest as I could have been with the members of the local law enforcement. Case in point, the murder of a clown and magician in my library.

More than one of the Bannville Police have fines and overdue books. Just saying.

The particular officer whom I have a great amount of displeasure toward is Detective Parker. He still remembers the time I peed on his leg; I still remember the time he arrested me with little evidence. Ours is a love/hate relationship.

So when Barry and I stumbled out of the Honky Tonk several hours after I talked to Cassidy, Detective Parker was the last person I wanted to see.

Sexy Wave

“Three kinds of men fail to understand women: young men, old men and the ones in between.”

I am not gifted at picking up women. I am not ashamed to say that. All my long term relationships have began with groups of people that paired off until one of the kind ladies clubbed me over the head. Waking up a few mornings ago like I did... Chalk that up to a fluke.

Sorry if I am bursting any bubbles.

I could also say my relationship with Natalie was a fluke as well, except for our shared history. We met, had a rapport, and it developed. Nothing mysterious and heartbreaking about it, which may have been the issue. Maybe love needs a kick in the pants, a passion to drive the motor onward. Maybe I’m over thinking the issue. It has happened before.

My main problem with finding a partner is signals. Laugh at a joke I made? Ain’t I funny. Touch my arm in such a way? Why, yes, I use it for lifting things. Brush your hair back? I am sure we have something to tie back that mess with somewhere around here. Anything short of a lady taking my hand, placing it on her chest and saying, “Take me, big fella, for I am woman and you are man and we should get squishy,” will more than likely go sailing right over my head.

So what did happen the other night with the mysterious Cassidy? Well, that’s what I asked her when she walked in the Honky Tonk. Sort of.

Crushes It

“When I was 15, I had a crush on this guy who was really good at magic, and so I learned to juggle, thinking it would impress him. I spent hours and hours practicing, planning to show him. And then I never even saw him again. But at least I learned how to juggle.” - Danica McKellar

Everyone has high school crushes, no matter what age you are. I once had the honor of hearing Kurt Vonnegut speak and during the two hour lecture on fiction and writing he gave a wistful account of the tattooed, pierced young lady that worked at this local post office. The crush was ignored by his wife who, to paraphrase, knew the old man had no chance in hell with the younger female. Such is life and is the crush.

The crush can become significant when you find much later that the object of your unexpressed affection whom you had long since filed away in the back of your mind had also noticed you as well. What kept you apart? Shyness? Ineptitude? Circumstance comparable to a Shakespearian comedy? Who knows and, honestly, who cares?

See, in a way the crush is supposed to be just that. A crush. The thing that spurs you on, gives you a little hope, maybe causes a little greatness in your day. And when you realize that it's not to be... Crush. Because if it were more, then it would be more. If it were love, well, they already have a word for that, don’t they?

Twins Cometh

"So Dave wants to have the ceremony on Friday here? In the library?" Betty said.

"Yeah," I said, "Said it was Clara's idea. The place they got together and all that."

"That's romantic. I never knew Dave had it in him. I guess you never can tell."

"Yeah, books and covers and all that. We're required to be there, too. Mom's calling it a 'staff development day' and closing us down."

"Why? I mean I would come anyway, but it seems odd..."

"Gets us around everyone in the community wanting to get married here on the cheap. Dave's supposed to be giving us a talk on internet safety as an IT expert."

Betty shook her head, "Your mama thinks of everything."

I smiled and looked out the windows, “Oh, no.”

Betty craned her head up to see what I was looking at. She slumped back down.

“This day was going so well,” she said.