College Prep

With Betty back, I can leave the realms of story time alone to her and concentrate on other matters. Today, I got to leave the library behind and visit my almamater, the Banned County Polytechnic and Library School.

You may be asking, "Does Evan Banned moonlight as a professor, teaching young librarians the ins and outs of this noble profession?"

Hell no. I am no teacher. I am barely a public speaker. Yet, on occasion, I do go down to the home of Possum Pride and tell the non-library students what the library has to offer when it comes time to do their five paragraph, six page research papers that will keep them up with terror. I am a giver.

So I present to you a generic exchange that is common in these "lectures.":

A Grad Student Walks into a Library

“Um, excuse me, can you tell me where Mr. Banned is?”

The kid looked small in his suit as he stood in front of me at the circulation desk.

“You found him,” I said.

He extended his hand and I took it.

“Hi, Mr. Banned.  My name’s Darling, Darling McCraw.  I got sent over her by Mr. Rosser at the school.  Said you might have a position available.”

“Hell of a name,” I said, “Yeah, we have a position open.  Children’s librarian.  You graduated?”

Old Friend Turns the Tide

Well, sorry for the late post, but I just got home from a comedy show and boy is my ass tired! Seriously, it fell asleep. I don’t need a throne, but come on clubs, get a little cushion for a long show. If New Orleans natives Sean Patton or Cassidy Henehan are ever anywhere in your area, I suggest you get right on that. But that is not why we are here.

Sean Patton,
image from @hubcitycomedy 

Why are we here? Well, well, pushy pants, hold on a bit and we shall tell you. The royal “we.” God knows I am all alone at this. Except for Betty and Dave and the soon to be hired new children’s librarian which I am now very excited about! Let me share a little.

Local College Students Remember the Town Has a Library

As finals week begins, dozens of local college students from the Banned County Polytechnic and Library School were reminded this week that their town has a library. Staff of the library expect their numbers to jump as more students come in to get away from the heat, enjoy the free wifi, and study like there’s no tomorrow.

“We have this rush ever year around this time,” Librarian Betty Lou says, “All you can do is keep the trash cans empty, hope the computers don’t go down, and keep the stressed-out, horny sons of bitches from screwing in the bathroom.”

As the library functions as both the public and the school’s library, the staff has spent the last week prepping the collection with updated materials they hope the students will chose over Wikipedia.

Tales of the eBook Zone: Lucy and the Evil of Man #ebooktales

Welcome to an alternate dimension. A dimension unlike our own where people do not understand new technology yet insist that it be implemented and allowed to exist for free. A dimension where companies who have priced this technology do not understand what they have (I mean they get what it is, they are not jerks who just get stuff and are all "What's this? Let's sell it" without understanding its purpose in this world). Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, here's one such story from a place called... The eBook Zone.

Brooklyn Public Library Will Publish Your Book

The Brooklyn Public Library has a new machine called the Espresso Book Machine that will allow patrons to publish their own ebooks as actual print books.  The process takes about four to five minutes and costs something or nothing, but I'm not sure because I did not get that far in the article and that's why I link at the bottom.

Road trip!  Finally, Banned Library and the Literary Robotic Ninja Pirate War will see the light of day!  Look for it at your local place people lay things down at hoping other people will pick them up this winter or when ever I can find the time to drive 2,000 miles.  Here's a blurb from the cover of my 4,235 page opus:

In a world where lawlessness and disorder are seen as a bad things, the Banned Library stands tall.  Enter Yumi Longbeard, recent graduate of the Banned County Polytechnic and Library School.  She will serve as the children's librarian to clean up these mean stacks while working to unite the pirate and ninja clans that infest the streets.  Oh, yeah, did we mention she's the love child of a pirate and a ninja? Hell yeah, she is.


"Best book I have ever read" - William Shakespeare
"If I had read this, Pride and Prejudice would have been totally different" - Jane Austen


Print your own books at the Brooklyn Public Library - New York Daily News