How to Defy the Work Week

So we have all been there.  The day has come when you are not worth a damn.  Maybe it is the Monday that you drank a little too much the weekend before.  Maybe it is Wednesday and you are just tired of the week already.  Maybe it is Friday and that 2 Live Crew concert just can not come fast enough.  Maybe it is Tuesday or Thursday and you do not give a crap anymore.

  On Thursdays, I daydream about lighting this bitch up.

Beyond the jump are some helpful tips to defying the work week.

Monday - Mindlessly Internet Search

Your head is pounding, your stomach lurches at the smell of Brenda from circulation's perfume, and if your teeth had more fuzz on them you could make a sweater.  The weekend was fun, you think, and you will be damned if you are paying for it.  The time for Internet Searching is here.  Do not worry, everyone does it from time to time.

Search for awesome stuff!  Reach for the... Well, get through the day.

Let your brain go and let  your fingers do the walking.  Great time wasters are TVTropes and Cracked, because they are filled to the brim with mindless articles that will make you laugh.  Be careful, though, they can get a little racy, especially Cracked with the pictures.  Also, both can give you some info into the human condition as they plow through the humor and majesty of our collective past.

Tuesday - Build Something
So many office supplies can be used to create.  Let your inner MacGyver run wild.  Paperclips can become a chain, a cork board and some push pins can become a dartboard and/or mosaic.  Create things to brighten up your workspace or defend it.

I'm seeing a really little defensive cubical fence here.

Paper is an excellent tool.  It can be folded, bended, taped and cut into a variety of shapes and structures.  True story, I once made a trebuchet and used it to run an office coup.  On a related note, cotton from q-tips and a little Goo-gone can make an effective fireball to launch an unsuspecting jerks who steal your lunch.

Wednesday - Bathroom Day
As my mentor once told me, "Boy, always crap at work."  Spend all day in the bathroom.  They can not take you off the clock for it and you can still take smoke breaks.  It is awesome.

Thursday - Invent a Religion
This is especially easy in the library setting.  Just go to the 200s and mix and match.  For example:  My god is named Rhonda.  He lives in the heavens with his brothers, Monoc and Ted.  They all throw firebolts from their multiple hands before sitting under a tree for 12 years and writing a book about monkeys typing.  If you anger Rhonda, he will send the wrathful "Hosebeast Patron."

This Hosebeast is named Lothor and it constantly says "I'm Computer Illiterate, tee hee."

Rhonda created the heavens and the Earth and an extra demension he named "Vendor Land" where all the materials come from.  It is where you go if you are a bad librarian and all day there you cut down trees to fuel the mighty multi-volume set industry.  If you are a good librarian, you go to "Awesomeonia" a place where you get all the books you want and people answer your inane questions.  

Friday - Combine What You Have Created
You have read all the Internetz.  You have built yourself an impenetrable fortress.  Your colon is clear as the day is long.  It is now to take over the library in the name of Rhonda.  Hoist your flag and begin the attack.

I suggest your flag contain some type of Mexican bean thing to please Rhonda.

Begin as all great campaigns have:  the supply line.  Load up a few book carts with your war devices made of paper and broken dreams and go after the cataloging department.  Once the rest of the library cannot get their new and mended books, go after the circulation department.  No new books in, no new books out.  Use your paper clip chains and the power of Rhonda to tie up Brenda and then eat her lunch for a change.  Next on the siege, push your way to the reference department.  Using logical arguments and, again, the power of Rhonda, give a logical reasoning for them to join you for Rhonda.  Chances are they are susceptible after years of public abuse.  The IT department will join you cause they are lonely bastards and possibly a little crazy and have already charted this scenario.   Now you control the books, the information, and the computer systems, time to go after the big cheese: Administration.  Your demands are clear:  Shit, you forgot to make demands.  By this time, it is already time to close.  Praise Rhonda.