Things I Want Out of Pottermore

J. K. Rowling's website Pottermore has begun accepting willing souls to sacrifice... their time.  After a rather complicated Quill search thing, many people were allowed to register for the site early, including people that were not me.  Because I have been denied entrance to this hallowed land (and the theme park... Harry defeats Voldemort and he's a hero, I defeat him and I get tossed on my ass and arrested.  Don't mix your butter beer with tequilia), I will now speculate on what Pottermore contains.  Caution: It has been several years since I read the books and a month since I slept through the last movie.  Plus, I am trying to be sued by Rowling to gain national attention... There, I said it, I want the Banned Library reality show on the air as soon as possible.

Hit the jump for the things I want to see in Pottermore
1.  Hot Dumbledore on Gindlewald action
2.  American wizards from the 80s, did anyone have Miami Vice robes?
3.  Examples of actual hog warts
4.  Salem Witch Trials and Their Affects on Wizard Poetry
5.  At least one example of a Muggle who does not give a shit about magic
6.  Hogwarts Math, English, or hell, even PhysEd class
7.  A wizard kicking ass at a regular sport
8.  Some kink (everybody's all like "They're innocent children's books" where folks fuckin' DIE!  Let's get some magical hocus pocus, if you know what I mean.  I mean sex.)
9.  Magic vs. .45: I wanna know how well the Elder Wand is against a Colt.
10.  Harry Potter and the Convention Circuit

Give me your two cents: Comment below, tweet @bannedlibrary using the hashtag #pottermorewants or email evan@bannedlibrary.com to share yours!

Hollywood to Reboot Harry Potter

Well, the last movie is upon us and as this article states, there will be no more books.  I bet soon that Hollywood will announce they will begin work on the definitive Harry Potter, rebooting the movie franchise and creating a whole new world of adventure.

In this new gritty reboot, J. K. Rowling's protagonist will be an American scientist who is granted the power of magic after being struck by a mysterious bolt of lightning.  With his friends Ron, a quick-witted thief, and Hermione, the princess of Muggletania, he will travel the globe adventuring and fighting the evil schemes of Dr. Vol De Morte, his once-friend and lover.  Helped along by their gay neighbor Dumbledore and his man servant Hagrid, they will make the world safe for democracy and hope.  Date not released.

Look Out, Harry!

Avocado Ken-dolla! Harry Potter Franchise Near End

Two weeks away from the Harry Potter Part 8 and, man, you can feel the tension in the air.  Everyone is holding their breath in anticipation for how this monkey will hang.  Will Volvomelon kill Harry Potter?  Will Harry and Hermyknee get together like we all know they will?  Will they finally kill off that red haired kid that's been following Harry around all these years like they did with JarJar the House-elf* in the last movie?  I can not wait.

Does anyone know if they have made novelizations of the scripts?  I would love to see how they handled this series in print form.

Hit the jump for all the Harry Potter links you can imagine if you can only imagine about nine or so.

Top 5 Harry Potter Smackdowns

Parseltongue translator

Footage of the Bank Heist

Emma Watson Growing Up

What Harry Potter Really Thinks of Quidditch

Harry Potter Digital

Mark Reads Harry Potter

Harry Potter Movie Site

Random Article about Last Film

*I sobbed like a baby when Dobby died.  This is all in fun, please don't hate me.

Young Upstart "Rowling" May Begin Publishing eBooks

An obscure writer named J. K. Rowling has begun thinking about converting her seven book series "Henry Palmer" into eBooks after the demand in the eBook market increased over the last few months.  Very little is known about this reclusive and near destitute author, so much so that we could only find reference for her career in the clearance bin of a local Borders as it closes.

The only worth in posting this information is that even small, unheard of authors who work in the back closet of a cleaning company fixing broken mops all day are switching to the new format.  We hope they have luck in their new endeavor, these poor poor souls.

Scotsman via Christian Science Monitor

Google Doing More Stuff with Ebooks?

One of Google's first purchases of the new year is eBook Technologies, an online publishing company.  What does this mean?  Google is going to further its already well-endowed Google Books ebook store?  Google will begin offering robust ePublishing for the public?  Google is planning to publish its own books, forgoing authors all together using a supercomputer with the combined intelligences of Stephen King, Edgar Allen Poe, and H.P. Lovecraft to create the ultimate Harry Potter fanfic?  The future is full of possibilities.

PC Mag and pic from here