U is for Utopia

Ever look around a library and wonder if this is what heaven is like?  Quiet solitude, universal Internet access, and miles upon miles of books.  Well, it happens like that some of the time.  Okay, very little.  Printers squealing, babies crying, and the overwhelming noise of one hundred people talking on their cell phones at the same time often ruin the quiet.  The Internet is for the most part always up but in limited supply as the computer lab fills up faster than the line for free... well, something free.  And, of course, the book you want is always checked out.  But why couldn't the library be utopia?  Hit the jump for a few things that could happen to speed up evolution at the library.

$5 with proof of purchase

1.  Cheaper computers
The price of personal computing is dropping every day, especially with phone and Internet companies giving out deals in exchange for two year agreements.  Once computers reach the television level of awareness, cheapness and reliability, the only problems libraries will face is the space, comfort, and availability for users to get power and keep going.   If batteries continue to improve in cost productive ways, even that will not be a huge concern.

Make me a scroll.

2.  Natural eBook readers
The ebook is catching on.  More and more users are buying ereaders and downloading their favorite books.  The demand has even begun to surface in libraries as more voracious readers do not want to pay for their content and instead get it free the way they always did at the library.  Still, the ereader is an alien device.  I am sure when folks went from scrolls to books, some jerk was all, "Nuh-uh, if it don't roll with me I don't roll with it."  If ereaders would progress to become more like technology we are used to, like implementing a real turning, readable page, more people would be apt to use them.

Years ahead.

3.  Personal cones of silence
I could not think of another way to put this other than the Get Smart cone of silence.  A device that allows me to yell my fool head off and anyone more than a foot away cannot hear me would be awesome.  I would put them all around the library, coat the library in their silency goodness.  Sure, we would have a few people die because they needed help and could not call out, but their sacrifice to the god of quiet, "Silencio," would be noted in the records as those who helped further tomorrow.  Plus, if we make cones of silence I am sure that we can make a way for people to communicate past them.  Such as:

Imagine this shoved up your ass.

4.  Internal cellphones
People carry around a cell phone anywhere and everywhere, constantly checking on the progress of... I have no idea who these people talk to.  I have people in my life that I love deeply and dearly and dear god I have nothing to say to them after about 10 minutes.  Plus, who gives that much of a shit?  This is why I have a blog, to put out all the crazy to a massive amount of people so the persons around me will still like me.  So anyway, lets let that internal voice work for some people by implanting cell phones that speak directly to that person.  I really want to know what would happen to society if we all just thought happy thoughts to our friends instead of yelling them out in public.

5.  Super Advanced Robotic Ninja Librarians
The robot apocalypse is upon us.  Do not deny it.  This will happen.  And when it does, all jobs will be replaced by robots.  I plan to donate myself to the robot cause and become a cyborg librarian.  From there I will download the greatest martial arts programs and become a warrior for the robots to destroy you all.  And do crosswords real good.  I am not saying I will turn on humanity, I just want to win and they have metal bodies.  That's f*&king metal.