03 February 2011

25 Reasons to Close Down Your Library

Deluxe Librarian Action Figure
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Sometimes you just need a day off, yet you feel you need a reason to close down, to justify the tax payers expense verses that one crazy person who might complain.  Here are 25 reasons to close down:

1.  Snow Day - tried and true, in three feet of snow no one can blame you for closing
2.  Power's Out - In the Digital Age, without power to light the monitors you may as well give up.
3.  Not Enough Staff - Even on the prettiest of days everybody else can decide not to show.
4.  Dangerous Animal Loose in Library - Two words: rabid wolverines.
5.  Bookworm Infestation - Also gives you the chance to cloth the library in a circus tent.
6.  All the Books Are Gone - Not as unlikely as you would think.
7.  National Holiday - Nothing like President's Day to sleep in.
8.  Invented National Holiday - Nothing like Day after President's Day Sale Day to sleep in.
9.  Spontaneous Holiday - Nothing like Teenager Checks Out a Classic Without Being Forced To Day
10.  Director Has a Boo Boo - Generally only works if you are the director.
11.  Ghosts - More likely to work if library was built on Indian burial ground.
12.  Simple Illness - Yep, sometimes the whole library can get the flu.
13.  Supernatural Illness - Yep, sometimes the whole town can become zombies.
14.  Apocalyptic Illness - Yep, sometimes the whole world can be decimated by plague.
15.  Stigmata - Really anything to call the church in for, but blood especially.
16.  Global Apocalypse/Rapture/Ragnarok - Think of the rush in the 200s.
17.  Internetz/Facebook/Twitter Is Down - see #16.
18.  Spontaneous Human Combustion - If people are burstin aflame in the library, no one is safe.
19.  You Must Beat the Last Boss on Halo - Gamerz 4 Lif
20.  Building Implodes Due to Indian Burial Ground - Possible consequence of fighting #11
21.  Catalog Becomes Sentient, Attempts to Catalog Staff - You are either "kill" or "be killed"
22.  Exestential Crisis Stemming from a "Print is Dead" Argument - self explanatory.
23.  Crazy Person Attacks Staff - Real tragedy is the ticket home.
24.  Exestential Crisis Stemming from a "Paul is Dead" Argument - self explanatory.
25.  You Just Wanna.