Beasts of Burden: Animals in the Library

Ever wonder what it would be like to hear the pitter patter of little feet being chased by some unholy abomination for which your library is legally and morally responsible? 

Except mice.  Every library has those, even if you don't know, you do.

Well, if you are having trouble deciding what creature can't get a library card but is okay to expose itself in your stacks, look no further.  Here are the six best animals to have in your library:

6.  Snakes.  Dude, snakes are cool!  Harry Potter talks to them, so they must be okay, right?   Plus you can feed them live things, like mice and koala bears.  They are also good pest control.  Just do not feed them and let them go at night.  They may even take out some of those transients that keep hiding in the bathrooms after hours. 

No caption needed.

5.  Iguanas.  Could you not imagine the comic sitcom senerio?  We could call it "Librarian and the Iguana" and the opening sequeince would be Rachel Lee Cook pulling a book from the shelf to reveal... Iggy the Iguana!  Set that to a pop synth choir soundtrack and buy a rake for all the money.

Note:  Iguana in photo is not Iggy.

4.  Dogs.  Are the patrons not filling the quota for beggin and sniffing other patrons?  Do you need a quiet work horse and protector?  Try a dog.  Imagine how exciting shelving will be with a team of sled dogs carreening down the stacks with Brenda from circulation cracking that whip as she often does.  Mush!

Brenda likes to make'em little booties.

3.  Fish.  How cool would it be to have a shark tank in the library!?  Or a school of trained piranah that could catalog?  The posibilities are endless.  Sure, you could have some boring aquarium of angel fish, or a dopey coy pond, but how many visitors would you get if you had them cross a shakey bridge just inches over a horrible fishy death to reach that new Stephen King novel? 

You want that new Thomas the Tank Engine?  Work for it!

2.  Cats. 

A little kitty poking out of the shelves to grab a patron.  How cute is that perfectly average scenerio? 

How about that lion sitting on the steps of the New York Public Library?  What a symbol of power and strength? 

Now imagine the smell.  Yep, all pee, all the time.  I like cats and I like New York, but keep them away from my books.

1.  Muppets! 

Nuff said.

Editorial Note:  We here a Banned Library from time to time allow our patrons to write articles.  This article was written by John "Stinky Pete" Smithdersonenton, a rather eccentric but well meaning soul.  Plus, he is rich.  Like crazy, giraffe-having, carries-bags-with-dollar-signs-to-the-bank, won't-tell-us-his-real-name kinda rich.  We just collect the $100 bills he blows his nose with and let him write.